Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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