Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize