2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
how drunk are you?
Several
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
