How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize