It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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