That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
