Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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