She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
