her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
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I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
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I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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