the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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