whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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