WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
well you can't waste a boner
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
