every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
