That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
