I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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