I heard we made out
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
