Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
