you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
