Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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