I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
