New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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