She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
