So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
