my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
