she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
