You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
