Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
