i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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