Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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