Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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