I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
