new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
