You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
