Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
