shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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