friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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