okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
