Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
now i know why i became what i already was.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
