yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
