You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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