fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
