im holly from the hills drunk
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
