Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
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I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
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I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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