Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
