I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
