i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
