I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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