Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
