She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
