what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
