I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
