Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
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