I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
