I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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