I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
