So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
