Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
