Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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