My first STD was from a foam party
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
high people should be assigned attendants
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
