I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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