U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
