I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize