im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
