It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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