I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
