this beer tastes like vomit already
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
