last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You took a bar mat shot.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
