I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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