I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
