We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
