I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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