i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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