He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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