I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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